we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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