It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
