not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
