Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
