There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
