He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
