at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
