well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
