you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
