Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
