??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Still dying that you shit outside
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
