Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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