I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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