Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
