I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
