I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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