P.S. I can't hear my feet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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