i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
