I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
