and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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