Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
