you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize