We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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