Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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