When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
