Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
