I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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