need another drink. this is the easiest way
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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