I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
