i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Send help, water and tortillas.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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