Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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