My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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