Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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