I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
