Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
