there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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