can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
