sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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