I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize