I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
