In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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