There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
