This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
