Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
