She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
