I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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