So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
