Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
