There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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