I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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