dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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