I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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