I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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