so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize