am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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