It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
