Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
