Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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