he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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