i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
