ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
