This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
