I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
