Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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