He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
