I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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