I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
