Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
