I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
